> Parenting Tips

They say it is the hardest job in the world. And I think they are right. Especially if you have not had good examples in your own past! And children definitely do not come with a manual! I remember when my daughter was born, although I was delighted to have her I also felt fear as to how would cope as a parent. After all children will be dependent on you for a long time.

Here are some tips I have picked up along the way.

Listen

Especially when your child is having a tantrum or is upset it is very important to listen. Your child will be overcome with emotion at this moment and will unable to take in any more information. Just listen and really be with them and try to understand. At this stage you do not need to say anything, just be with them.

Connect

Once they have calmed down or when facing a situation where they are not emotionally overwhelmed connect with your child. You can do this by ‘diving under’, finding out what they really need. You child may be showing challenging behaviour and your challenge is to find out what their need is. Are they simply jealous and need your attention or are they behaving badly because they feel misunderstood? If you can get to the need underneath the behaviour then you are half way there to creating a better relationship with your child.

What do I need?

Before reacting when faced with a challenging situation, try and ask yourself the question what you need. Often as a parent, our own needs are overlooked and this can cause resentment. Ask for what you need and explain how you feel. For instance if your child is watching TV and you have come home from work facing a big mess in the kitchen, you could say “I can see you are enjoying watching TV.” I’m really tired and I could do with some help.” “Could you wash up when this programme is over?” Communicating in this way acknowledges the fact that both of you are important. Compare this to ordering your child to tidy up. Acting like a ‘cop’ (my daughter told me this) will very likely have the opposite effect you want to achieve.

Take time for yourself

Often as parents we keep on giving because there is always more to do. Until sometimes we end up so exhausted that the slightest thing just becomes too much. Sometimes it is more important to just let the washing be the washing and to just not tidy up and take out some time for yourself. Do something you REALLY enjoy doing. Trust me, the washing will still be there when you get back! And does it really matter that the house does not look perfect? I have learned that it does not. To me, looking after myself so I can look after my daughter better is more important.

And finally, remember that being a good enough parent IS good enough.